Coldplay, Please, Fix Me.

Coldplay’s 2005 hit from the X and Y album is my muse for the night.

There’s not a lot of songs out there that make me feel the way this song makes me feel.

Scratch that.

There’s no song out there that makes me feel the way this song makes me feel. Yet.

It’s just shy of one o’clock in the morning.

I’m overstuffed with birthday food and cake.

Nostalgic that my ‘baby brother’ finally clocked 16, but also stressed from ‘throwing’ an uneasy birthday surprise.

I’d gotten those mails at exactly 01:29, 04:45 and 10:09. I’d managed to go fourteen full hours without checking their content. But the thought never left my mind all day.

But about an hour ago, I had nothing left to keep me busy. I had to check.

And then, it was just like I had imagined.

When you try your best but you don’t succeed,

When you get what you want, not what you need.

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep,

Stuck in reverse.

Honestly? I was already too stressed from working on the project. It was definitely not my style, and my first attempt at diversifying could have been better. I should have started little by little –not take on as much as I did. Jeez Caramba, Zoë. I had mentioned at some point that it’d be great for the cup to pass over me. But when it finally did, I wasn’t ready.

I got what I wanted, but not what I needed.

My brother did call me ‘the best’ at some point today, you know. Right now, I’m wondering, “best at what exactly?”

Tears stream down your face,

When you lose something you cannot replace,

Oh and tears stream down your face,

And I…

I just got fired.

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try, to fix you.

And all I can think about right now is how I need to be fixed.

💙

P.S- I wrote this exactly 5 months back. Saw it in my drafts, and realised it needed to get out.